Masculine Doing, Feminine Being and Where The Two Meet
SOLO
Do you feel most accomplished when you check things off your checklist? Are your really good days when your to-do list gets so small that it’s almost done? Have you ever noticed that there is always more to do? ME TOO! For most of my years on earth so far, I’ve operated and validated mySelf strictly through my to-do lists. I have felt less than when having nothing ‘to do’. I have felt anxious when I don’t get my list done and I get even more anxious when the list keeps growing. Here’s a little secret, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A LIST! Whether you are running a household, a business, yourSelf there will always be more to do and I promise you that. We as humans LOVE to do do do do and then we wonder why we all hit burn-out. Ladies, there is another way.
I was first introduced to ‘doing’ nothing in Savasana. For those of you newer to yogi lingo that refers to the last 3-5 minutes of a yoga class when the teacher asks you to lay down and quite literally do nothing. My inner dialogue would be screaming: what the heck is this all about, why are we doing this, what’s the point? I now understand that it is impossible to always be on the go. It is unsustainable to always be looking to cross something off the list and when we live in this ‘doing’ mentality, nothing will ever be or feel good enough. Think about opposites, with light there comes dark, with day there comes night, with being on there comes being off. We cannot always be on, get it? It is not healthy, it’s not natural, it is not a way of enjoying our life and too many of us have had our on switches jammed there for way too long.
The way of ‘being’ is much more fluid. It gives us full permission to divert from our to-do list and enjoy the great weather. It leaves space for us to shift our plans so that we can follow what lights us up and it really invites more space for play in our lives. The checklist is an old system that was given to us by society. This system could have been passed down to us by a parent that needed to finish their lists to feel good, it could be the school you went to and you felt validated getting good grades or getting things down or it could come naturally to how you operate for organization. Now, I am not saying checklists are bad, I am saying the intention behind them should not be to help us feel good as a person in our life. I’ll be the first to tell you that if you unload your dishwasher or you don’t, you’re still a kick ass person, promise! We want to integrate, giving ourSelves permission to BE first and DO second. This means allowing yourSelf some time, ideally each day, to ask yourSelf what you need and allow lots of room for whatever the answer is. This begins to shift our subconscious into choosing us first and prioritizing all the external things second. This may sound impossible but we need to start somewhere. That starting point is giving yourSelf FULL permission to have time in your week to do nothing and giving yourSelf full permission to show up and let yourSelf be first and do second.
This shift is one of the most important ones you’ll make. It’s time we give ourSelves permission to just be. The world has told us we are better when we’re moving fast and producing even faster and sitting down to take a break is frowned upon. This is the momentum that leads to burnout. Now, how the heck do we start to shift our inner dialogue? I started to ask mySelf how I desired to feel each day instead of what I had to get done. You know those days you just power through and all you find yourSelf doing is looking at your to-do list? Well imagine if each day, week or month, you decided a way you desired to feel instead? So instead in the moments where you feel a bit lost in your day you can ask yourSelf what you can do to feel that first then continue on with your original doing if you so choose. This begins to reprogram that part of the brain that values doing over feeling. We always honour how we feel first, always. I began to ask mySelf this question A LOT until I got pretty good at listening. At first this process might feel unnatural, or at least it did for me. I was so used to just going full speed that my body and mind were confused when I asked them to slow down. Sit down, and do nothing …. BUT HOW?
First you absolutely need to know, everything important will get done. When you feel overwhelmed because all the things aren’t getting done, ask yourSelf is this a priority right now? I know the feeling of getting an e-mail when you just weren’t ready to answer it; but is it priority right now? Remember, there will ALWAYS be more to do. To start anchoring into the being first and the doing second; create a list of things you really enjoy. I would recommend writing this list down somewhere you can see it; wallet, mirror, phone, agenda, etc. This list can continue to grow as you discover new ways that you have fun. This list is what you turn to when you need to just be. On those days that we have to do the doing, we remind ourSelves how to be. That might look like feeling tired and frustrated at work and looking over at your list and seeing your favourite song title, so you put the song on and take a little moment to just be. This may look like on a day off when you’ve got ‘nothing’ to do but oh so much, you look at your list and see swimming is one of your go to way’s to just be, so you hit up a pool or a lake near by and just chill. This list becomes your ‘being’ lifeline. This lifeline will help you as you make the transition from doing to being.
So dare I ask, are you ready to take the plunge and make the shift? This way of life allows you permission to get to know yourSelf in a way our societies systems didn’t give us a chance to. This way of being allows our inner dialogue to shift and our ‘shoulds’ to dissolve. Being first and doing second allows us to marry these two energies in our bodies in a way that feels more natural to us. We are not meant to work and push our whole lives. Our life is what weaves in the middle of all the doing and that is where we can just be along the way.
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