The Energy Behind Female Leadership
SOLO
Do you consider yourSelf a leader? I’ve had this conversation with many women and the majority say no. On the other hand, I have felt I’ve been a leader my whole entire life but just REALLY grasped what it means recently. Growing up I was the oldest of four kids and I loved to be the boss. From the outside looking in, this looks like my first leadership role. Naturally I became the in house babysitter for not only my family unit but also my younger cousins. My leadership skills were recognized quickly by adults and my roles continued to grow as I did. These leadership skills looked like:
The ability to take charge of a group
Outgoing personality
I had patience when I was leading (nowhere else though lol)
And I actually liked to be in control
In high school I was chosen by a teacher close to me to work with a boy with autism. This was a new type of leadership but I was up to the challenge. I fell in love working with children with different abilities and this only grew my patience with children and expanded my leadership opportunities. This continued through high school. I was chosen to be the captain of my high school soccer team before I was a senior as well as being chosen on my city team. I loved leading others but was doing it for all of the wrong reasons.You can imagine I began to pride mySelf on these opportunities; they were a bit of an ego boost because deep down I still felt less than a leader. I didn’t know where the feeling came from but I continued to question mySelf and my abilities even though I continued to grow as a leader in each community I landed in. In university I was chosen to be an RA. In jobs I was chosen as managers and so on and so on.
This is until a moment last year where I realized I was feeling crappy from the inside out and something had to change. Something was missing in each of my days, weeks and months. I began to attach my leadership of others to my ability to show up in my life. If I wasn’t in a leadership role over other’s I felt I was failing. What happened? I continued to lead others but stopped leading mySelf. I would put them (whoever they were at that time) in front of my own needs. PSA - THIS IS NOT LEADERSHIP. This is about the time I had one of the biggest ah-ha’s in ever . . . leadership starts with personal leadership. What does personal leadership look like for a woman these days? I was ready to take back my power to feel whole as a leader but I realized that started with ME. I dove down the journal rabbit hole and learned that it was time for women to step fully into their feminine leadership and I was definitely not the only woman who needed this wake-up call. I wanted to learn what this looked like, what this felt like and how I could bring it not only to mySelf but all of you out there ready to rise too!
Now we know that my older sister role was in fact not my first leadership role. My first leadership role was that of leading mySelf. So how do we do this in an ever shifting world especially if we haven’t been doing it our whole lives? Below is what I have put into action and know to be true. Leadership isn’t always easy especially when you are leading yourSelf with integrity and from the heart but it will always be worth it, promise . . .
Feminine Leadership looks like . . .
Sharing how you really feel and standing behind your own feelings without guilt or shame
Showing up for yourSelf even when you don’t want to - self care/ exercise/ healthy eating/ etc
Allowing room for trial + error
Forgiving yourSelf and others for making mistakes
Doing the thing you desire to do anyways even when others don’t understand
Having uncomfortable conversations
Creating boundaries with yourSelf + others
Owning your shit
Getting back up after you fall
Letting things go
Taking a step back to allow space for learning
Marrying your masculine doing with your feminine being
Now I will ask you again, do you think you are a leader? The dictionary definition of leadership is ‘ the action of leading a group of people or an organization ‘. I would argue that this is all backwards. If you look at the true leaders in our communities they are the women leading themSelves first and their tribes second. We can trust that saying, you can’t fill from an empty cup this is true for ALLLLLL women.
Now my definition of Feminine Leadership is ‘choosing to lead yourSelf first in the way you desire to then trickle that leadership to your people.’ For years many of us have been led by men. Whether this is our fathers, our teachers or the government. Men lead differently than women. We have been taught to lead like men but our feminine power doesn’t lie in copying how they do it. Our feminine power lies in choosing to do it our way. This was the aching feeling I had deep inside me. For years I led everyone else first and mySelf second. This is why I asked mySelf if I was worth it or not. This is why I felt something was missing in my journey. This is why I didn’t trust mySelf because I was not leading in a way that was natural to a woman. We have been taught the man's way to lead.
The woman's way looks like this . . .
Women lead from their heart
Women trust their intuition
Women know that their opinions and thoughts matter
Women know they can make a difference in the world
Women are patient in their leadership
Women plant seeds and trust they will grow as we nourish ourSelves + our ideas
Feminine leadership is allowing yourSelf to be first and do second
I see you questioning, Erin, what the heck does this look like? My work days used to look like me waking up and hustling around to get to my computer to get working. Not anymore. I allow mySelf time and space to wake up. I move my body and feed my body yummy foods and then I journal. Maybe I head outside and walk the dog… nope I haven’t checked my phone yet. I come back from walking Mila and open my planner. I check in with mySelf and set my intentions for the day. THEN I begin to work. This is Feminine Leadership, leading yourSelf and your needs + desires first then doing all of the things second. Feminine leadership is owning your whole woman, feelings and all, always.
A few ways to start leading yourSelf first . . .
Write 3 things you’re grateful for at the start + end of your day
Scheduling in a movement or meditation practice no excuses
Choosing to not look at your phone in the morning until you take care of yourSelf
Creating a buffer of no phone time before bed
Meal prepping good food for your week to ensure you’re nourished
This list could go
Beginning to lead yourSelf in this new way isn’t always easy but know that you are not alone. I began with baby steps and carving a bit of time out in my morning and night for whatever I wanted to do. At first it felt weird to operate in this new way but it became more natural as my self-doubt began to disappear. It felt less weird as I had more clarity in my goals and the vision for my life as well as the steps to get there. It felt more smooth when the above lists didn’t feel so hard. This way of leading became the only way I could lead. This is possible for YOU too. Print off that leadership list and put it in your planner or your agenda or even on your mirror to remind you to start your day leading yourSelf. You are worth this work. Once you start, there is no looking back. You don’t have to be a store manager or run a business Femininer Leadership is for all women whatever hat you wear. I believe in you. Keep going! Now head on over to The Iner Her Podcast page and tell me one tiny step you will start taking TODAY to lead yourSelf and reclaim your Feminine Power. I am here to be your accountability buddy! Let’s do this!!
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