The Ins and Outs of Feedback
SOLO
Do you like feedback? My original answer, a big HELL NO! I used to squirm in my seat when I knew I was going to be given feedback. Because I don’t lie to you, Imma share that I also used to just not show up to things because I was afraid I wouldn’t be good enough and I didn’t want to hear where I could improve . . . now that doesn’t make any sense, does it? There is nothing more I hated more than being told I was ‘doing it wrong’. I liked reaching for five gold stars, being perfect, and really just knowing how to do everything (or rather thinking I did). Well, listen to how silly that sounds. What did this mentality create, a perfectionist who was afraid to show up for her own life. Does this sound familiar? You want something but can’t put one foot in front of the other to actually do it or learn from it. The know it all attitude that I had kept me from feedback and created a lot of anxiety in my life amongst other things. I avoided any ‘less than’ desirable words from others at any cost. I really didn’t understand that feedback was FOR me and it wasn’t happening to me. So what did this look like?
When I began teaching yoga I craved so much to be a master teacher, whatever that meant to me at the time. I desired to teach other teachers and this was a deep yearning I’ve always known. I wanted to teach teachers how to guide others but I hadn’t even taught anyone yet. When I did begin to teach I felt like I was on top of the world until I saw a fellow teacher or studio owner would show up. It’s like I was going to shit my pants every time this went down. I would curl up in my head and tell mySelf why I was less than and didn’t deserve a teaching spot. I would feel fear arise and sometimes even create an excuse to not go in fear of what they would tell me after. What I didn’t realize at the time was that the feedback I would receive would actually help me take the steps to my dream of teaching teachers because I had to be taught how to first. When you break this down even deeper, this means that every time I avoided feedback or hearing ways to improve I was actually self-sabotaging my dream to guide others more intensely. Every time I turned down feedback, I was saying no to mySelf.
We as a collective tend to shy away from feedback because it makes us feel less than but in reality, this stigma came from how schools trained us to reach for the A+ and separated us into different classes based on our academic ability. The traditional school system doesn’t always foster an environment that provides a space for each of us to feel empowered as ourSelves no matter what our ability was in any subject. They were brain focused and performance-oriented. THIS creates the anxiety in us that is fearful of hearing how to improve because of the fear of not getting the gold star. We create a story that if we receive these little tidbits of wisdom from others and their years of experience and knowledge that somehow we are less sparkly or good. BUT if you break it down, those giving feedback were once in your shoes too. Feedback is what makes the world go around and helps us learn from each other. Step number one is to begin to shift your inner dialogue to ‘this is happening for me, not to me’. The fear or maybe even shame we feel when receiving or potentially receiving feedback is an old story that we get to decide to re-write. I look back and I forgive mySelf for all the times I wasn’t able to show up to receive the gift of feedback and now open my arms for the opportunity.
Odds are you have been holding this energetic frequency around receiving feedback for a while so be patient + kind with yourSelf as you start to re-write your story. Feedback is here for us to grow. First, I know it’s pretty friggin scary to hear these ways to improve from people that odds are you look up to. When that scared feeling begins to rise I would invite you to take 3 deep belly breaths to calm down your nervous system then let yourSelf tune in to the reality of the situation. The reality is, the feedback is here to help you, not hurt you. SO calming down the nervous system to process this new way of thought is extra important. This allows your mind + body to absorb the information being given to you and integrate the new inner dialogue. Now, I’m not saying this is going to happen overnight, it’s a process. A few mantras you could use to re-write your feedback story are :
These words are for me, not too me
I am open to receiving wisdom from others
I am here to grow, evolve and feedback helps me do that
Those are just some examples so feel free to let your intuition come into play and use your own words for the mantras. Now that we’ve calmed the nervous system and talked to ourSelves in a kinder way we let ourSelf celebrate the feedback AND taking the time to hear it. Seriously, we celebrate so that our cells can rewire to this new energetic frequency long term. We celebrate every time we receive feedback, big or small so that it keeps coming so we keep growing.
Just because we now know feedback is the bomb dot com, does not mean we start shoving feedback down everyone's throat. Delivering feedback will definitely be a part two to this but for now, practice receiving. Receiving is a gift worth taking the time to notice and soak in. It’s time we think about feedback like gold little nuggets waiting to land in our pockets. You do not need to be in school to learn, you do not need to be making money to receive and you sure as heck are worth the feedback. When people share feedback it means they care about you and your direction. Generally, feedback is coming from a place of love and deep care. And here’s the little trick about feedback, you can take it or leave it. But who is it hurting to hear it out? After hearing the words you get to decide if the feedback is valuable to you and your direction or not and do what you want with it. Let me tell you, I have received good feedback and feedback that went in one ear and out the other . . . everyone is always going to have an opinion it is up to you to filter through that information and take what you need and leave what you don’t! Reminder - feedback is for you, it is not happening to you!
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